The Mindful Partnership

Mindfulness is a major buzz word in our culture right now. And why not? It's such a helpful tool in staying present, combatting anxiety, and increasing positive mood. It can help us feel in control and really focus on the things that are important. 

I love mindfulness and what it does for individuals. But what about couples? What about marriages? How can mindfulness be impactful there as well? 

Did you know that marriage rates and divorce rates are going down? This isn’t a reflection that people are dating or partnering less, but more of a reflection they are less likely to get married. Relationships are still facing the same patterns, stressors, and cycles regardless of a marriage certificate. And while specific populations may have different needs and barriers in relationships, relationships typically all boil down to the same basic needs: 

Communication

Honesty

Respect and Understanding 

Common Goals

Feeling Valued and Seen

Interdependence

Genuine Friendship

Regular Intimacy 

These things sound so simple and easy...but they aren’t. When partners are working jobs, trying to maintain friendships, working on their own health, and having kiddos/pets….having time for an intentional partnership can be low on the priority list. Add in a dash of miscommunication, resentment, or just tiredness, and these simple things can become big stressors. 

While some relationship stressors exist for a season and others are long term and need a more serious intervention…we can all start with basic mindfulness.

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 A “mindful partnership” is the act of staying connected and present in your relationship. Even if that is for only 10 minutes a day. It's looking at a partner and giving a compliment, walking by and touching their arm, it could be writing a 2 minute letter about how you see them, taking a moment to put down the phone and really listen, or looking at the person and thinking of them. A mindful partnership is setting aside a moment to be with them, or stopping to hug. It's also being honest about how you really feel in the moment.

A mindful partnership is you choosing to be there in the moment when it might be easier to check out, go out, talk about the kids, work late, etc. It has to be mindful, otherwise it won’t regularly happen. Mindfulness isn’t about feeling present...it's about becoming present. 

How do we “become more present” when life is pulling us in so many directions? 

Start small. Maybe you set a reminder on your phone to spend 30 seconds a day thinking positive thoughts about your partner. Someone could start by trying to intentionally initiate physical touch at least 1x a day. It could be sending a text or letter that communicates seeing them and all they do. Even just staying off of your phone at dinner could be a start.

The goal isn’t to be mindful all the time….the goal is to grow towards a more mindful partnership one moment at a time.

*If you are struggling in your relationship and feel like you could benefit from a more intense intervention, reach out to a counselor to discuss your options for individual or couple’s counseling. One or both might be a great fit.