Finding Your Way Through Grief in 2021

What were your plans for 2021? For me and many others, these last couple of years were not what we planned on and hoped for. We can’t even go to school or work like we used to! When things don’t go as planned, this can invite grief into our lives. Grief is often unexpected and we quickly learn that we can’t live life like we did before. It’s adjusting to life with loss knowing that everything has changed. Grief is a natural reaction to loss (not just death).

Have you lost a loved one, gotten divorced, had a miscarriage, have had to put dreams on hold, moved to a new state, or experienced the death of a childhood pet? With the holidays approaching you may be experiencing a sense of dread or unease. This time of year is difficult for many people who are grieving and it’s hard to escape feeling alone or devastated. How can you grapple with loss in 2021? Maybe you used to ignore, distract, numb out, or isolate yourself from others in order to avoid pain. 

I invite you to try something different this year.

This first step may be the hardest: identify what losses you’ve experienced and that you continue to grieve, or losses you may have overlooked or deemed “unimportant”. There is no such thing as a loss too small to grieve. For me, it’s important to be mindful of when my grief is overwhelming or more intense than the usual day-to-day grief experience. It’s okay if your loss was 30 years ago and you are still feeling pain.

Step two may sound a little weird: make a grief plan. The plan can include time for self-care, for connecting with your support system, and for allowing yourself to grieve (and really feel it).  You might choose to spend time in nature, take a break when needed, call a friend, journal, or cry. I like to schedule times to grieve and take care of myself during holidays or anniversaries. Maybe, for you, this means finding support through therapy or a local grief support group. (Here’s a wonderful resource in Columbus, Ohio: https://cornerstoneofhope.org/columbus/)

Step three: remind yourself that there is no “right way” to grieve or live this life. You may not be ready. Maybe the loss is still new and all you can do is breathe with each moment that goes by. Or, surprisingly, this may be the year you allow yourself to find meaning and purpose amidst the loss. However you decide to cope with your grief this year, be gentle and kind to yourself. You’ve found your way so far and you can still find your way in this.